Hi friends. Today I’m going to continue on the self-love train that I’ve been on the past few months.
If you don’t know, this past year I have been struggling with self-confidence, love, acceptance, you name it. It’s been a rough season of being okay with who I am one second, then looking to my right and feeling defeated because I feel lesser than compared to so-and-so. Every day I have had to fight like hell to wake up, look in the mirror, and LOVE what I see. Not love myself because of how I look or my personality, but love myself because I am who God has made me to be, and God makes no mistakes in His creations. I’m learning to accept my body because it’s a Godly creation. I try to see the good in my quirks because they are a part of who God wants me to be. He wants us to love ourselves completely, like the way He loves all of us. God doesn’t call us to pick and choose what we like about ourselves, just like He doesn’t call us to only let Him in certain parts of our lives. We are supposed to love Him, ourselves, and others FULLY. With that being said, I want to share a little story.
For years I refused to ever cut my hair short (the above picture is what I consider short; some of you may not be impressed). Why? Well, I always told people that I was afraid to look like Dora the Explorer. No, I am not kidding; that was a legitimate fear of mine. However, there was an even deeper reason why I was always afraid to cut my hair.
Cutting my hair short would mean exposing myself, taking the focus off of my long locks and instead placing it more on my body, something I wasn’t very fond of.
For years I would subconsciously use my hair to cover up my tummy and my “non-existent” chest. I didn’t want people to see what I saw when I looked in the mirror, I was ashamed of it. So for most of my teenage years I used my hair as a safety blanket, because that was ultimately one of the only things I liked about myself.
Then my first semester of college came around, and in the spur of a moment I chopped inches off my hair. It was liberating y’all. My head felt lighter, my hair felt healthier, and my spirit… well, my spirit felt excited. I was breaking a chain by cutting my hair, which was great! But, that meant I had to face my fears head on. I had to get dressed every morning, look in the mirror, and not have a breakdown on how “bad” my body looks. For the first time in my life I had to love all of me, and since then it has been quite the adventure.
I wish I could sit here and tell y’all that I love myself all the time, but that would be a lie. There are days where I feel absolutely worthless, but you know what’s cool? I have the hope of Jesus to look towards. I know I can bow at his feet feeling worthless, and He can reassure me that I mean everything to Him no matter how I feel about myself. He did die for me after all, so how can I not believe in His love for me?
To celebrate my liberation, I wanted to post these pictures. Some are blurry, others are kinda grainy, imperfect you may say- but so am I. I am not perfect by any means according to the world’s standards, but in God’s eyes I am everything He could ever want me to be, and I want to celebrate his creation. All of it.
Thanks for reading. Much love,
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
– Psalm 139:14