So I have this journal.
This journal, you see, has become very near and dear to my heart. It holds all kinds of things like quiet time entries, entries about my day, particular memories, and some days I’ll just write away all of the feels that I’m feeling.
Sometimes my entries give me ideas to write about on my blog, so tonight I was skimming through my journal searching for content when I suddenly noticed a particular pattern in my journal.
Y’all, my emotions are SO INCONSISTENT. It’s bizarre. I am literally lol’ing at myself just thinking about it. One day I’m praising Jesus, thanking Him for how cool He is and how much I trust Him, and then the next day my journal is tear-stained and full of words contradictory to what was said prior. I couldn’t help but think, “What is going on here?!”
I think Paul explains it best in Romans 7:14-17,
“So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for what I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the doing wrong; it is the sin living in me that does it.”
This is me right now. This is the season I’m living in. It’s weird, confusing, painful, and a billion other things. I can’t tell you how many times this Christmas break where I’ve wanted to do something the Lord has called me to do and I haven’t. I say “I trust you Lord,” but my actions don’t follow up afterwards. I’ve been so frustrated with myself because of my inconsistency, and I’m sure you’ve been here- we all have. We are humans, sinners, wanting to please our flesh and desert our spirit.
It’s comforting though to know that even someone like Paul, a man who was such a huge advocate of the Kingdom, struggled with the inconsistency and confusion of his own thoughts and actions. But you know what’s even more comforting?
That we have a God who IS consistent and stable. We even get the honor to call Him our rock!
Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come; You have given commandment to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress. – Psalm 71:3
We’ve got to hold onto that truth, friends. He can be our stable, never moving, never changing, rock.
BUT WE’VE GOT TO LET HIM BE THAT FOR US.
Just like Paul said in Romans 7, the law is not what is wrong- it is us. I know that’s harsh, but hear me out for a second.
God has been pursuing us since the beginning of time. That’s why Jesus came, because God wanted His people to know their creator and how much He loves them! Jesus, the sinless human, died for us so God could make Himself fully available to us, humans of many faults, whenever we need Him. So we need to ask ourselves,
What is keep us from living on mud and mire to living on THE firm and solid rock?
I’m still trying to figure that out for myself, honestly. I’ve noticed there’s a disconnect between my head, my heart, and my spirit. My head knows God’s promises and the truth that they hold, but my heart doesn’t at all. It’s been a challenge finding what’s causing that disconnect, but I’m trying to figure it out. Just like any relationship, I’m working hard to make my relationship with the Lord better, and we all know that things like that can take time.
So what is it for you? Is there something that’s keeping you from confidently standing on the Rock? Now I want to remind you, it’s okay that your emotions are unstable. It’s okay that you’re confused and you have no idea what’s going on right now. You’re human- it happens. What’s not okay though, is to sit in your emotions and confusion, to sit in your mud and mire. No, you are called to so much more friend. That is one thing I know for sure.
So let’s get through this season together. I know we can do it, along with the help of our sweet friend Jesus.
And thanks for reading and spending time with me. 🙂 I will chat with y’all soon!