Writing this post wasn’t really planned. I was at work last night, and I just had this incredible urge to get real with y’all who read my blog. Not that anything I post on here isn’t real, it is all 100% me, but something occurred to me last night, and I felt the need to share it.
So here we go.
I had mentioned in one of my first posts that I had been diagnosed with gastritis. Basically what that is, is when the lining of the stomach is inflamed. Before I was diagnosed, I was constantly feeling nauseous; I also have acid reflux so my stomach would burn as well. For months I was told it was just my acid reflux, but I knew it was something else, and I got to the point that I was eager to do anything in order to find out what the heck was wrong. One of the worst parts was not knowing. I would constantly feel sick and I wouldn’t know why, and that frustrated me to the point of tears. I remember being on the floor of a bathroom crying to God what was wrong with me. Then a week after that I was diagnosed, and for some reason I thought that putting a name to it was going to cure everything, but newsflash!
I do take medication, and I do stray away from certain foods, but you know what?
I still get nauseous.
I still feel like my insides are burning up.
I feel like I am constantly raging war with my stomach, and I hate it.
There have been several occasions since being diagnosed that I have once again been frustrated. I take medicine, why am I still feeling awful? Why do I feel like I can’t eat? I’ve taken on a new set of questions that I have yet to have the answers too.
That’s okay though. I am slowly learning to be okay with it.
The other day I was watching a video by a YouTuber/Blogger named VivaciousHannah, and one of the things she said that really got to me was “God made both the mountain peaks and the valley lows. Who are we to say that one’s more beneficial than the other?”
I am not saying that God cursed me with gastritis. While he is a Father of discipline, he is also the definition of love, and I highly doubt that God would want to inflict pain on his children; after all he told his very own son to go die on a cross so that our pains could be washed away in his blood.
What I am saying is, although I am going through this, it doesn’t mean that God is no longer looking out for me. He sees the pain I’m in. He knows what’s going on, and he is quietly working things out in ways that I haven’t come to realize yet. Until then, I am still having to battle with this illness, and once again that’s okay. I like to think that there is a reason behind it.
Maybe it is so I can grow closer to Him.
Maybe it is because I can relate to others and share testimony.
Maybe it will bring me to people that I wouldn’t meet otherwise.
I don’t know, but I do know that it is okay not to know (sorry, crazy sentence there). Although I do like to think I know a lot, in reality I don’t- ESPECIALLY compared to God. So after getting super frustrated last night because my stomach was on fire, I decided to let it go. There is nothing more I can do other than take my medicine, eat right, and pray. As long as I’m doing that the Lord will meet me halfway, and probably even beyond that.
I am not writing this for sympathy. I am not writing this because I have all the right answers (as said in the above paragraph, I don’t). I am writing this because 1) The Lord put it in my heart to do so and 2) I know there are so many people who are in my shoes. There are so many illnesses that don’t get awareness, and there are so many people that we walk by daily who are suffering on the inside.
I just wanted to let y’all know that if that is you, I am praying for you. I am with you, GOD is with you. I am always here to lend a hand and a shoulder. You don’t have to go through this alone. In fact, as long as you have proclaimed that Jesus is your Lord and Savior, you are NEVER alone.
I hope that this post helps you in some shape or form. I hope it brings you peace knowing that God has got your back and he is working things out, as long as you trust him.
Let’s get through this together.